Casting Fear Aside

Joy unbridled. Yep, can use that cowboy verb. For my doctors, Venegoni [my mad Italian], Lewis and King…each say I am free…I am free at last.

What that means. I can now drive. My blood sugar had dipped to a new average low, so I put the insulin injector aside. I am moving from 220 pounds to 185 pounds, my pitching weight in college.

And. Drum roll here. Even though all Outpatient Cardiac Rehab Centers are closed, my heart surgeon [and yes, he and his wife loved my salmon filet..just sayin’!] said the best therapy to get ready for battling the salmon…which shall happen in August, is to walk at least 30 minutes a day.

Now. In this transition I remember the nights of fear. Not ambiguous. A week after the 6 bypass, not sure I could get enough oxygen. Flat-out-fear. Jenny, my nurse, saved my night…bringing me words of consolation and urging me to think the best thoughts. Well, damn. Those two nights it was the best diversion in the world…caught in a rotating manner, salmon and steelhead. My two incredible guides, Bob Ball and Chris Vertopoulos [Zorba] were beaming. Did them proud. And made it through the two nights. And those days in Inpatient Rehabilitation…power gifted to me by therapists Laurie and Katie. Yes!

And yet, in the moment of joy this day, March 26, 2020 when I can drive to get my glasses fixed and drive-through banking, I am aware.

Life is not absent of fear. For so many. Uncounted many.

Yes, Congress passed a bill to bring $$$ to so many.

And yet, the C-19 is unrelenting.

How long? I don’t know.

What I know is I’m breathing fully today—the heart surgeon said the lung fluid has lessened—yeah!—and my taking one step at a time is the prescription.

And yet.

Aren’t there always “and yet’s” in our life?


In my inner self…and outer self—the fear loses its control by friends, by family, by Derrick my neighbor. For they make it clear a blessing is with each of us…because friendship and love kick the hell out of fear! Yes!

About Mark H Miller

Diane and I live in Leander, Texas. This past June 17, 2015 I celebrated the 49th anniversary of my ordination. We returned to Texas after three years in Washington, during which I served as interim minister in Bellevue/Eastgate and Mercer Island. Am planning to begin a 5th novel that will have my protagonist, Tricia Gleason, serve a year in licensed ministry in Snoqualmie, Washington. The novel, "The Lemon Drop Didn't Melt," will find Tricia wrestling with ministry challenges. None of which more daunting than someone wanting her breathing to stop. All the published novels are available on Amazon and Amazon Kindle under Mark Henry Miller. A primary goal in our return to Texas is to make sure grandchildren get lots of attention--here and in Chicago and Washington, D.C. Traveling is definitely an activity that will not slow down. With that, of course, fishing will happen. To that the t-shirt is apt, "I fish; therefore I am." In addition to novels, the book of Blogs, "Voice Of My Heart," is also available on Amazon.
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