Another Way To Manage Regrets: Resolve

The focus yesterday was killing regrets. Brought many responses…one indicated the need to bury regrets happens all the time…and in some of those times, hardest to do. Because of another R word: revenge. But the friend said it’s better not to do anything more than learn and make sure the regret wasn’t prompted by her own actions or words. Good point.

Another shocked me. She said the hardest pain, inflicted by another, was to drop the regret. The story could be devastating. The friend said at the age of 9 she was asked to be the FIRST African American girl to be on the cover of the cereal Captain Crunch. She saw that, having moved from South Chicago to Los Angeles, as “the moment” to launch an acting career, for her 9-year-old time on stage was always applauded. But, she said her sister somehow broke the deal so the cereal box cover picture never happened.

That’s a huge OUCH. Sure, could have been nothing. But to have it thwarted by a sister? Come on. Yet, this friend, no longer 9 years old, has zoomed up in her company and brings such goodness and hope to others. I’m beyond impressed. A great example of wisdom tamping down the ego and increasing the still other R word: resolve. That’s how I see it.

I now think of how the apparent “by the way” can be the most pivotal moment. I’ve shared this before. It’s about Jeannette Butts, now Jeannette Hereniko, living with Vili in Hawaii. When Jeannette and I were 16 attending Jefferson High School in Portland, Oregon, we were best friends who never dated. Thinking back on that, probably why we are best friends now. One night, at the incredibly naïve age of 16, I said to Jeannette, and it wasn’t academic, because at 16 I thought an answer was timely, “Jeannette, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.”

She howled, slapped her hands, “Mark, you’re so stupid. Of course, you’re going to be a minister.”

I went home, told my parents I had made my decision. My mother thought it was wonderful. My father cleared his throat, “That’s good to know, Mark. Get a good night’s sleep and we’ll talk about it in the morning.”

Well, Jeannette’s vision came through. And, hopefully there’ve been more good than bad these years.

And, to thank her, I’m going to applaud and cheer on March 31 in Portland—62 years after her declaration isn’t too late! For Jeannette will be performing a one woman show in Portland on March 31 that has brought sold-out audiences in Hawaii. And I’m going to be joined by other classmates from our high school 1958 graduating class. So, it never became a regret.

Which may be the most apt comment about regrets.

Why list them?

Why not think of the moment, no matter how incidental at the time, that led to absolute goodness and a more viable way to order life? Shift the world of regrets to affirmations. Possible?


About Mark H Miller

Diane and I live in Leander, Texas. This past June 17, 2015 I celebrated the 49th anniversary of my ordination. We returned to Texas after three years in Washington, during which I served as interim minister in Bellevue/Eastgate and Mercer Island. Am planning to begin a 5th novel that will have my protagonist, Tricia Gleason, serve a year in licensed ministry in Snoqualmie, Washington. The novel, "The Lemon Drop Didn't Melt," will find Tricia wrestling with ministry challenges. None of which more daunting than someone wanting her breathing to stop. All the published novels are available on Amazon and Amazon Kindle under Mark Henry Miller. A primary goal in our return to Texas is to make sure grandchildren get lots of attention--here and in Chicago and Washington, D.C. Traveling is definitely an activity that will not slow down. With that, of course, fishing will happen. To that the t-shirt is apt, "I fish; therefore I am." In addition to novels, the book of Blogs, "Voice Of My Heart," is also available on Amazon.
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